Heart's A Mess - Chapter 17 A & B

I know you have already read Part A but please read it again with the whole chapter. 

AGAIN PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG. I WILL ONLY HAVE THREE MORE SONGS IN THIS FANFIC. ALL CHOSEN FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE. THIS IS ONE OF THEM. IF YOU DON'T LISTEN....YOUR LOSS.

The door slammed shut behind her. 

Even inside, the still air was frosty, nipping at her bare skin, clawing its way down to her bones. 

She felt empty. 

Arnav had taken everything she had and then some. 

And like all the other times...she was alone. 

Khushi looked around her home. Inhaling deeply, she held on to her breath as the echo of his laughter rung loud in the silent halls. Eyes, once alive, swirling with the promise of love, now lay stagnant, reflecting the memories he had left behind. Her head fell back against the wooden door. Closing her eyes, she let her breath go. 

It came out in short, sharp bursts, shaky and unsure of its intent. 

It's full of chart's and facts and figures

And instructions for dancing. 

Warm calloused pads skimmed up her arms. Soft lips grazed the curve of her shoulder, nibbling the pale skin. Smiling against her skin, he inhaled deeply, intoxicated by her. Khushi leaned into the embrace, fitting herself in the crook of his neck. A strong arm curled round her waist, moulding their forms and there they stood, swaying in the silence. 

It was no longer cold. 

A husky whisper floated by...

' I love you Khushi.' 

Her eyes flew open, searching for him. 

He wasn't there. 

I can't ever see you again.

Involuntarily her body began to shake, the effects of last night's adrenaline wearing off. The deep, controlled breaths that had taken her from his hospital room to her front steps, were no longer able to sustain themselves. Instead her chest wall began to spasm as she fought to maintain composure. 

The damn broke. 

Khushi screamed. 

Composure be damned. 

She screamed out into the silence. She screamed to drown out the sound of his voice. She screamed to be rid of his lingering touch. She screamed at the injustice. She screamed till she could scream no more. With her back against the door, she slid to the floor, her voice hoarse. Slowly she lowered herself to the floor, lying her face against the cool tiles. Fisting her hands, she tried to stuff one in her mouth, to quell the sobbing. 

Curled up in foetal position, she lay on the tiles of her lobby. 

Many hours later, her phone vibrated. 

Pushing herself up off the ground, she messily wiped her tears. 

Anjali calling. 

Khushi hung up.

One step at a time, she dragged herself to her room. Crawling on the plush mattress, she slipped under the sheets. She stared at the left side of the bed and hesitantly reached for the pillow. 

It still smelled of him. Woody, musky, spicy.

Nuzzling against the soft linen and clutching it to her chest, she took comfort from its warmth. Hot tears fell on to the pillow and for the first time in her life Khushi called out with devastating pain...

"Amma"

And I, I love it when you give me things

And you, you ought to give me wedding rings.

**************************************************

"You're back."

It had been three days since Khushi had last set foot in the hospital. In those 72 hours no one had heard from her. 

Matt waited for some kind of response. 


He wasn't disappointed.

"Skip the pleasantries Parker. Just do your job." Came the terse answer.


Matt sighed, catching a sympathetic look from Meg.

In all honesty he shouldn't have been surprised. Dr. Gupta had not exchanged a word with any off the staff since morning and people were treading on eggshells, unsure of what to do. The once jovial ward now found itself party to stilted conversations and cagey silences devoid of its life and soul. It had been years since Khushi had been so taciturn. Professionalism though was not to be compromised. And so, when Dr. Danes walked through the door, Dr. Gupta was well and truly prepared for ward rounds.  

"Parker, Gupta....let's go."

Danes surmised that the best method on the road to recovery was to maintain status quo and so the trio tackled the rigorous work schedule forgoing the usual inane banter. As the ward round progressed though, it became increasingly apparent that Khushi wasn't exactly 'present'. Patient cases were presented, progress was noted and adjustments were made to the treatment regimen. Throughout the proceedings, Khushi's answers remained clinical, her face sterile and her behaviour detached. So uncharacteristic was this demeanour that even the patients raised a silent brow. An hour later, as they left the room of the last patient, Khushi stopped in the middle of the hall coming to a realisation. 

"Where's Arnav?"

Oliver and Matt looked at one another confused. Khushi repeated herself, a little more forcefully.

"Where. Is. Arnav?" 

Matt answered...."What do you mean?"

"I mean....that I took half the patient files and gave you the other half. We just finished ward rounds and Arnav isn't here. So where is he?" she explained, her anger and panic surmounting by the second.

Danes signalled for Matt to leave them alone; his steely expression affording her no comfort. Steering Khushi into the empty staff room he quietly answered her. 

"He isn't here."

"I can see that." She waited for some sort of explanation; her eyebrows raised in expectation. 

"He left." 

"What do you mean he left?" Her tone was incredulous...disbelieving. "We ran all the tests that quickly?"

"No....he left that night. Against medical advice. He signed the release forms." Oliver Danes maintained an even and calm tone, observing his mentee with utmost curiosity. 

For the first time that day, Khushi's affect displayed her inner turmoil and she became painfully aware of the throbbing of her heart as it hammered against her chest. The dull vibration in her body began to build, sending blood rushing up to her skull, the viscous fluid drumming against her skull with turbulent ferocity.


"Oh god..." she whispered horrified, her hands shaking.


Her words came back to her once again.


I can't ever see you again.


Idiot! Moron! Asshole! How could he just leave? She paced the floor and took out her mobile scrolling down her contacts list for his number.


Dialling Prince Charming.


She held her breath waiting for the ring of the phone. It went straight to voicemail.


You have reached the voicemail of Arnav Singh Raizada. Either I'm busy or I don't want to talk to you but feel free to leave a message after the beep.


Khushi pressed the red disconnect button forcefully, cursing the day she met him. Khushi continued to pace, biting her bottom lip and struggling to breathe as the worst possible scenario's played out in her mind.


She dialled his number again.


Oliver sat patiently on a chair, waiting to be addressed. After watching her dial his number for the 10th time he thought it better to intervene.


"What's the matter?" he asked nonchalantly


Khushi kept the phone to her ear, yelling at him. "He left! How could you let him leave!? He's an idiot, he doesn't know any better but you do. Why didn't you stop him!?"


Oliver frowned at her. "I informed him of all the risks. As was my duty. What did you want me to do...restrain him?"


"Yes!" She threw her hands up in the air exasperated. " God.... I don't know...you should have declared him mentally unfit. Put him on a psychiatric hold. Whatever it took."


Oliver stared at her, waiting for the absurdity of her suggestions to sink in. She continued to ramble, still dialling Arnav's number. "And where the hell was his sister? She just let him go?"


He sighed. "No actually. He left without informing her. She called you several times that day...wanting to know if you had any idea where he's gone."


The phone dropped from her hand.


She collapsed onto the chair behind her, not caring that she was showcasing her vulnerability to the world.


"I..." she whispered hoarsely, her voice cracking. "How could he just leave?"


Danes shrugged. "Why do you even care?"


She snapped her head up to look at him, her expression disbelieving. "What?"


He frowned. "Well you were the one who didn't want anything to do with him. So what difference does it make to you where he is?"


"What do you.....Of course it make a difference!"


"But why kiddo?" Danes put forward his questions in a devastatingly logical manner. "You were the one that severed ties with him."


"I...." She trailed off, unable to come up with an appropriate answer.


"You don't have the right to worry about his whereabouts anymore." Danes explained.


"Of course I do. I love him! I will be damned if anyone tells me that I don't have the right to worry about his whereabouts!" She yelled, her anger and worry getting the better of her.


He smiled, holding Khushi's hand and quietly asked. "Then why did you let him go?"


Oliver watched as the fight left her body. The stiff muscles in her body relaxed, her shoulders drooped and she lay her head on his shoulder. Silent tears fell on to crisp navy scrubs as she clutched on to his arm, her body shaking a touch.


"He lied." she confessed, her voice devastating quiet and forlorn.


"So? Get mad.....get angry. Fight with him. Make him rub his nose on the ground and ask for an apology. How the hell is breaking off your relationship the answer?"


"But...he....he's dying. I don't think I can....not after my parents." She stopped to gather her thoughts and Oliver waited patiently. "I smell his cologne on my pillow, I see him sleeping on my couch, I feel his presence in every breath I take.... he's taken my life hostage. I'm used to being alone for a reason. It's better that way....safer. I can't watch him die. I just can't. Not after knowing his love. I won't be able to bare it."


"So don't watch him die. Fight....I raised you to be a fighter Gupta. I have never taught you to give up. Death is a given. It's going to happen someday. You could be with someone who has a complete clean bill of health but gets run over by a truck the next day. Are you really going to let that fear get in the way of every relationship? It's absurd." Khushi looked up at him tired and lost. "And do you really think that by putting physical distance in between you that you will forget him? You've tasted the apple kiddo....there's no going back."


"I don't get it. Arnav knew I was afraid of commitment and relationships. He even knew the damn reason and still he lied. I never thought he would be so callous. Flippant, laid back... sure... but callous? I....I'm just so angry." Khushi gritted her teeth and for the first time gave voice to her frustrations.


"So be angry. But know that you only hold that right over him if...." Oliver sighed rubbing his head. Turning to look at her he asked. "Tell me one thing Khushi, did you ever doubt the sincerity of his love for you?"


Khushi shook her head in the negative. "I know he loves me."


"Then f**k it! You both love each other and that's more than most people can say. It's something that's worth fighting for. Maybe he was callous but love can be a selfish thing. When it comes along you just can't let go...no matter how you may want to."


Khushi blinked slowly in silent contemplation.


"He shares a common background with you, you know. He lost his parents too kiddo. Sure not quite your scenario but it was no cake walk for him either. Maybe he has just as much to loose. Probably more." He took a beat before resuming. "I know he lied to you but how do you think he felt when you told him that you couldn't see him anymore? It probably affirmed all his fears..." Oliver hugged Khushi to him. "He's the one facing his own mortality. He's the one dying."


Khushi began to sob. "But..." She hiccoughed. "But I'm the one he's leaving behind."


He ran his hands up and down her back, holding her shivering frame tightly. "The first thing he said as he woke up was your name."


She cried even harder, clutching at Danes shirt, her tears soaking through. "What if he doesn't come back?" she wailed.


Oliver smiled knowingly. "There's just no way."


******************************************************************************


It was raining.


Again.


How f**king appropriate.


The gods were laughing at her expense; reflecting her mood in the weather forecast. The heavens had opened the flood gates and Cleveland found itself ankle deep in water most mornings. Khushi swore that if one more stupid bronzed weather girl told her that there was only more rain forecast for the foreseeable future she would move city.


At least it was Sunday.


Steaming hot coffee, gurgled its way through the ridiculously expensive coffee machine she had bought one fine afternoon. A pathetic attempt to dispel her melancholia. The morning newspaper and coffee in hand she sat cross legged on a dining room table and flicked on the television; the rain relentless in its assault.


There's another cold front on the way and that unfortunately means more rain and heavy storms. We're looking at a maximum of 60...


The forecasters report was rudely cut off as Khushi rolled her eyes and surfed the television channels.


It was time to start looking for another place to live.


It had been three torturous weeks since anyone had heard from Arnav. Every night it became harder to sleep not knowing where he was...how he was. The constant anxiety was draining her. And so after a week of indecision Khushi finally swallowed her pride and called Anjali.


How she wished she hadn't.


It always amused Khushi to no end at how she managed to find herself in the strangest scenarios. What she thought would be a quick discussion about Arnav's whereabout's had somehow evolved into a full blown argument. Anjali was quick to place blame on Khushi.


My brother would be here if it weren't for you. No one knows where he is. Even the bloody police can't find him. You broke his heart. Oh god! I don't even know if he's dead or alive....


Khushi had watched with a detached interest. This woman really had a penchant for dramatics. Like a 1940's Bollywood mother. Aman kept shooting her apologetic glances while consoling his hysterical wife. To make the situation worse, Khushi began to giggle.


Loudly.


Perhaps she was depressed.


What else could explain such a ridiculous reaction?


The long and short of it was that two hours later, Khushi had left their residence with no voice, considerably less body water and a bruised heart.


She shuddered and took a sip of her coffee.


Arnav....where the hell are you?


The door bell rang.


PRECAP

All I want is nothing more, 

To hear you knocking at my door,

Cause if I could see your face once more,

I could die as a happy man I'm sure.

When you said your last goodbye, 

I died a little bit inside.

I lay in tears in bed all night,

Alone without you by my side.

But If you loved me,

Why'd you leave me? 

Take my body,

Take my body.

All I want is, 

And all I need is,

To find somebody.

I'll find somebody,

Like you.

- Kodaline

A/N

Last sad chapter! Well for a little bit anyway. 

So I was scratching my head this morning when I woke up and there were 6 pages of commetns and 96 likes for my note. I swear I didn't send out a PM. Then I was like...."Holy Amazeballs..." I didn't send out a PM. You guys are amazing. I genuinely wasn't fishing for compliments when I said if anybody was interested. I also never actually thought you guys would be that interested. You are the BOMB!

My personal life is in turmoil at the moment. I can't really disclose more than that. But do know that it is very hard for me to get back to everyone however hard I may try. BUT....I read all PM's, Scraps and comments. And I smile with joy everytime. 

Thank you for everything my amazing readers.

I would like to dedicate this update to some amazing writers who are reading my story. I may have not reached out to you but do know that I sincerely and truly admire your work and am humbled that you read mine. 

This is for Krani, Meera, Semanti, Rae, Nidsubh, A_BA, Anony_mous, Sonia_92 and maybe your not a writer (or maybe I haven't read your stuff) but Craving Khanna as well. Apparently your good opinion is hard to come by and so I am humbled. 

If I have forgotten anyone...please forgive me.

Chapter Sixteen

LISTEN TO THE MUSIC! I'M WARNING YOU ALL....I HAVE MY ANGRY FACE ON.

It's strange the memories you keep. Far into the future, when she would look back upon this day, Khushi knew the first memory to come crawling out of the cobwebbed crevices of her mind would be an auditory one. The resounding echo of her heels upon the white shiny surfaces of the hospital floor would haunt her in her dying days.


Long and tortuous corridors were now what remained between her and the painful reality of her life.


Never before had her limbs felt so leaden. Blinking away tears she willed herself to keep going. One step at a time...further into the deafening silence.


Armed guards stood either side of the entrance to the private suite. With the cursory nod, they stepped aside, swiping passes on to the keypad. The green light flickered and the electronic doors slid open.


Anjali stood in the far corner, mobile pressed to her ear, trying to update Devyani Raizada on their Chote's health status. Aman sat cross legged next to his bed, typing away furiously, drafting a press release. Susie, the night nurse, trying to ignore all the humdrum, was recording vital stats into the patient chart. Men, whom Khushi was unfamiliar with, stood at the foot of the bed, blocking her view of Arnav, updating him on anticipated hits to the AR Corp. stock. A woman, with a severe bun and rectangular reading glasses was talking a mile a minute, trying to send the press sniffing elsewhere...convincing them that Arnav Singh Raizada's collapse was nothing more than a case of mismanaged sugar levels.


In that moment it became startlingly clear to Khushi that she knew very little about Arnav Singh Raziada.


The realisation... was suffocating.


Invisible in the corner of the room, her first instinct was to run.


The electronic monitor above the hospital bed began to flicker. Susie frowned...


"Your heart rate just shot up..." she mumbled to herself.


The room stilled. Arnav whispered...


"Khushi."


All the occupants turned to look at her. Without so much as a word, papers and personal items were gathered and one by one they left the room. Khushi kept staring out the window, focussing on the city lights in the distance, unable to look at him.


The quiet was comforting.


"Look at me."


Though issued as a directive, his tone was soft...pleading. Khushi shut her eyes tight, clenching her trembling hands. He sounded frail. Swallowing the tears at the back of her throat she turned around to look at him.


Her knees gave way at the sight of him.


Arnav threw off his blankets, reaching out to help her. She held out her arm to stop him. He froze...unsure of his rights over her anymore. Gripping the railings, she slowly pulled herself upright and looked him in the eye.


And for that one moment...she lost herself.


The ache in her heart subsided, leaving way for relief to wash over her.


He was alive.


The warm, swirling depth of his caramel coffee coloured eyes begged her to close the distance between them. To run into his arms and to cry her heart out. To bare her soul to him. If only they knew just how much she ached for the same.


But the tempest brewing within her could not be silenced.


He lifted his hand out to her. "Khushi...please..."


Her lower lip trembled. A sob escaped her. "I can't..." she hoarsely confessed.


Turning her back to him, she steeled herself, willing the tears to stop.


"I can't ever see you again."



********************************************************************************

 I know it's short. 


But there is a reason. It's for an effect. I kept writing the next bit...but it seemed to detract from this moment. I wanted this moment to be isolated. Also I don't believe in making an update long unnecessarily. The effect I desired has been achieved. It was supposed to be a mini movie.


The next update will be VERY long. So you should be happy about that. Also it will be the last VERY SAD update. After that it will be better. 


Thank you so much for you all your love and support. I cannot say it enough number of times. You guys make me laugh and sometimes even a little misty eyed. Big kisses and hugs to you all. 


Love Sasak.

Chapter 15 Part B

The waiting room was a lonely place. Slumped against cool, hard plastic, Khushi clenched her fists over and over, unable to stem the dull tremor dancing in amongst the fibres of her being. It was unbearably cold. Why was it that thermostats in such buildings were set a few degrees below anything remotely comfortable? Occasionally the double doors to the Emergency Room would swing open, wafting in the distant sounds of organised chaos, only to slam shut again, plunging the room into deafening silence moments later.

Where do we go nobody knows

I've got to say I'm on my way down 

God give me style and give me grace

God put a smile upon my face


********

"Arnav....baby?" Khushi whispered.  "Wake up! Please...please...wake up." She fell to her knees, cradling Arnav's head in her lap. Trembling fingers reached out, searching desperately for the flicker of his skin. Her voice cracked as she looked up at Matt. "He...his pulse...it's weak."

He nodded tersely, on the lookout for the ambulance. The wail of the sirens grew louder. Beams of red light, stretched out into the dark side street, washing Arnav in a sinister glow. Khushi held on to her breath, watching helplessly as the paramedics took charge. 

Somehow, Matt's voice penetrated through the haze of her consciousness.

"Thirty one year old male, history of Rheumatic Fever and subsequent Mitral Regurg..."

********

In the far corner, the water cooler gurgled and spluttered, its constant hum grating against her nerves. Tired eyes found the large digital clocks. 11.43 pm. A short bitter laugh echoed out.

Happy Birthday Khushi...

********

"Pulse ox is at 95%, delivering 100 % oxygen at fifteen litres per minute." The paramedic called out.

The ambulance osscilatted from side to side, navigating it's way through night time traffic.  Khushi sat rigidly on the side of the gurney, her tiny hands encapsulating Arnav's large one. Oxygen flowed noisily through the plastic mask bringing back some colour into his deathly pale skin. She stared at the monitoring equipment blankly. 

"Khushi I..." Matt began.

"Don't." she cut him off, her voice dangerously calm.

"But I..."

"What ever you have to say....I'm not interested." 

The sound of pressurised oxygen occupied the space once more. 

********

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!  Khushi banged her fist against her forehead. The events of the night and previous months had very slowly been strung together to form a coherent picture in her mind. The pale skin, the fatigue, the bouts of coughing, prolonged absences....how could she have missed it? It had been staring her in the face. 

The Raizada Corporation is pleased to announce it's latest venture in to applied research for new medical technologies.

Will it? Feel Better? To tell the person that you love you're dying.

I've never done a physical on the patient neither has anybody at the hospital. And they've never been admitted either.

He loves you. I can see it in his eyes. 

The patient's a Type 1 Diabetic.

It could have negative effect on their career if they were to be recognised by anyone here.

What if the one person I fell in love with abandoned me even if I knew it was the right thing for them? Could I be so selfish to beg them not to go?

Love really was blind. 

********

The wheels of the gurney, rattled along noisily as Arnav was pushed toward emergency.

"Thirty one year old male. Collapsed on site. Oxygen, Aspirin and Morphine administered en route. BP 94/52. Pulse 110. Type one diabetic. History of Mitral regurgitation subsequent to...."

The paramedics barked out vital information to the handover team. Matt took charge. "Shift him into bay two. Susie get me a central line stat. I need an ECG and blood draw. Someone page Danes."

Khushi stood back from it all, an intruder in the proceedings. It was a curious experience... watching it all from afar. Vultures fighting over a dying carcass. It was barbaric. She felt sick. 


Oliver Danes adjusted his pager as he exited the lift, walking headlong into Khushi. 


"Kiddo what are you doing here?"


He saw her stony expression and unwavering gaze. Following her line of sight he watched Matt run lead with the emergency team. He frowned....


"Is that your guy?"

********

Her guy?


Even now her heart skipped a beat at the mention of him.


Arnav Singh Raizada.


Her guy.


Tired and weary, her head lolled back and her eyes fell shut.


He's the one.


You, Khushi Gupta, are the most beautiful human I have ever met.


All I know is that once he has my heart there's no going back. It's his forever. There could never be anyone else.

I just wanted to spend some time with you.

 Let her be my doctor ok? You...just concentrate on being my girlfrie..


You want to use my jet right? Then go out on a date with me.


I love that....making you feel like a woman. Being the one that has the ability to make your knees go weak. That you react to me not because of what I am but because of who I am....I love the way you pretend to be all tough but aren't.


Gupta hurry up! My balls are freezing and that won’t be good for our future children.


I've already planned our retirement.


Happy Birthday my darling girl.


A solitary tear, pearl like in formation, slid down the plains of her cheek.


Her guy was dying.

********

"What the hell is going on Matt?" Shagun hissed quietly. 

Stood in an empty corridor of the hospital, Dr. Parker was being confronted. 

"I can't....you know I can't say anything. Not till Arnav decides to tell you himself." he pleaded hoping she would understand. 

"Screw Arnav! Khushi looks like its her funeral. She hasn't said a word to anyone of us. She won't move....respond. She's stuck to the damn chair staring at the wall."

Matt sighed, frustrated. 

Shagun grabbed at his shirt. "I swear to god Parker....fix this. I've never seen her like this before. Nothing we say is going through. J and Meg have been sitting next to her. I'm not sure she even realises that they're there." She paused waiting for a reaction but Matt looked equally lost. The dread began to knot in her stomach and her heart began to race. "MATT! Are you listening? What's wrong? Tell me what's...."

Her own tirade was cut off by the commotion coming from the waiting room. 

********

"LIAR!" Khushi screeched at Anjali as Jahnvi and Meg tried to hold her back.


"Khushi come on..." they tried to console her. "It'll be ok."


Anjali's expression was impassive but her eyes showed the pain, the guilt...the desolation. She put out her hand to try and comfort Khushi only to be hit with another barrage of accusations. Khushi stepped back noticeably and pointed her finger at Anjali's face...


"How could you?" she asked, begging for an answer, the sobs racking her body now uncontrollable. "How could you look me in the eye and lie after what I told you? HOW?"


Everyone looked between the two, hesitant to speak. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Aman stepped up next to Anjali holding her hand for support. She gulped..."I'm his doctor too..."


"F**k you!" she said in the softest of whispers. "Your kajal was too little too late. The shadow was already cast."  Pivoting on her heel she ran toward the main doors, her tears unrelenting.


"Khushi listen to me please...." Anjali called out.


Matt and Shagun ran to Khushi trying to catch up with her. Grabbing her arm Matt pulled her back against his chest. Small fists punched at his chest....


"Let me go!" she sobbed. Matt only tightened his arms around her, hugging her closer to him. "Liars!" she whispered in between hiccups. "Everybody lied. Everybody lied. Everybody lied..." she kept repeating, as if part of a hypnotic chant.


The doors to the emergency room opened. Oliver Danes looked pensive. He took in the tableaux before him. Looking at Anjali he asked...


"You're the next of kin?"


Anjali nodded. Khushi looked up from Matt's chest holding her breath, waiting for the next words.


"He's awake."

********

Ok so I know this is much shorter than my usual updates but with my recent schedule you'll have to forgive me. I also understand that he style of this update is very different but it is that way for a reason. I wanted to create a certain effect. The next update will be more back to normal and explore Khushi's thought process a little more. This update was just supposed to about her visceral reaction to the events.

So hold on to your hearts. The next update will be a little painful. Bare with me.


But this story still has a while to go. So don't think it's the end or anything. Ok next is a big thank you to ALL those who commented. I am so humbled. I can not say it enough number of time. If it weren't for your love I wouldn't have the motivation to do this. I know I don't interact with readers often and for this I am sorry. But do know that I read ALL your comments. I PROMISE!

OK now for YLME blog access. Uff! All these PM's I am getting. I left a note on the YLME thread but I will post it here as well. Please read it.


In all honesty I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I have been gone less than a week and my gmail, PM account and scraps get flooded. (I'M NOT EVEN BARUN SOBTI) I want everyone to take a deep breath and relax. I had to make the blog private for personal reasons. NO ONE HAD ACCESS. (apart from me of course) So PLEASE don't think, my loyal readers, that I am angry at you or something. 

I have also disappeared (5 days AHEM)  because recently my life has been like ASR's...ridiculous. I have been leaving in the morning at about 7.30 and coming home the next day at 1.30 am only to leave that same day at eight am. So you can imagine no time to check emails, or India Forums. 

The access is now open to everyone.Till such time of course I finish up with HAM. So enjoy it till then. I will make a decision about the YLME blog after that.

Love Sasak

Chapter Fifteen Part A

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" they screamed simultaneously.


Khushi feigned shock. She let her eyes bulge and her mouth hang comically open. Gasping, she dramatically lifted her hand to her chest and uttered...


"For me? Really? You shouldn't have!"


This had been a tradition for quite some time now. The concept was simple enough to fathom. Khushi Gupta didn't like celebrating her birthday so it was only natural that the staff made sure her party was a highly anticipated fixture on the years calendar. The day was meticulously planned from start to finish. In the morning the entire ward would gather to sing her another year older accompanied usually by some elderly patient on the piano forte. After spending sometime talking, laughing and opening presents with both patients and staff, she would be offered a smorgasbord of surgeries to choose from. The afternoon would be spent thus, learning about and exploring her favourite thing in the world...the human heart.


On the back of this adrenaline high, Shagun, Meg and Jahnvi would doll her up, ready for a night of debauchery and recklessness. Once sufficiently inebriated, the girls and Matt would haul her back home, leaving Khushi to nurse her hangover in the privacy of her own home the next day. The night out on the town was sponsored by the valiant Oilver Danes, who would voluntarily offer his services for the graveyard shift, enabling the younglings to let their hair down.


At first all the attention had made Khushi uncomfortable. Prior to her migration to Cleveland, birthday's only served as a painful reminder of a life that could only be attained in her dreams. For the most part she would just ignore the entire day but when loneliness came to giver her company at night, she would cry herself to sleep...rueing this day upon which she was born. Slowly though, it had become something to look forward to....a reason to celebrate the small blessings in her life. Never had it been said but it was quietly understood that the reason the day was so meticulously planned was so that she would never be alone. Something for which she was grateful. 


This was her family now.


So every year she would pretend to be surprised at all of their arrangements, play acting her way to glory. It had become a sort of joke between them all.


A very large, questionable looking cake floated toward her, alight with numerous candles. From nowhere a silly party hat was attached to her head; people blew on children's party horns and thin strings of streamers were popped into the air as they sang to her in loud and out of tune chorus. She giggled at the hilarity of the situation and blew on the little flames and just as she did every year, Khushi thanked god for the little blessings in her life. A small addendum however was made to the silent prayer, her eyes still shut....


Thank you for sending me Arnav, God. I don't know what I have done to deserve him but thank you.  


Loud thunderous applause and whistles broke out as she cut the cake.


"Time to break out the walking stick then Gupta?" Matt teased gently, giving her a side hug. Khushi in response smeared his cheek with cake, a roguish smile on her lips.


"Only today Gupta....only today." he grumbled, letting her get away with the indiscretion. Oliver interrupted them and kissed her gently on the forehead. Handing her a present he wished her a happy birthday. Khushi frowned...


"You know my rule about presents." 


"Oh come on Kiddo....let me spoil you."



Biting her lip, she contemplated opening the meticulously wrapped present.


"Khushi open it or I will." Shagun called out.


Unable to curb her curiosity any longer, she ripped the wrapping in a hurry. In it lay a hardback first edition copy of Gray's Anatomy. She wrapped her arms around her boss cum father figure. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." she whispered repeatedly.


"Stop it kiddo..." he teased. "You're ruining my reputation." Giving her a quick hug he left the others to it. "I'm going for a consult now. By the time I come back you better have chosen what surgery you want in on."


Making sure that their boss was well out of ear shot, Jahnvi pounced..."So what did hotwa give you?" she asked unable to contain her grin.


Khushi shrugged. "He's in Atlanta on business. I've barely seen him these past few weeks ...apparently work is hectic. Plus he doesn't even know it's my birthday."


"WHAT!" Meg shrieked. "How can he do anything romantic if you don't tell him it's your birthday."


"Because I don't want him to do anything of the sort. Knowing him it would be totally lame and cheeseballish." She smiled fondly. "He is a cheeseball sort of a guy."


Meg sighed, leaning her chin on her palms. "I bet he would have been totally romantic. Your hotwa is soooooo perfect!"


Shagun added..."I don't know about perfect but his ass is pretty fine..."


Khushi looked at them scandalised. Jahnvi laughed and agreed "He does have a perfect butt."


Matt looked uncomfortable. "Perfect is overrated."


Khushi, having recovered from the shameless objectification of her boyfriend, laughed and pulled Matt's cheek...."Nawww....jealous Parker?"


Matt watched the girls walk away laughing, a feeling of dread settling over him. Khushi had no idea what was coming.


*********************************************************************************

Arnav's heart almost stopped as she walked out of the foyer, surrounded by her friends...laughing freely. Khushi hadn't noticed him yet and for that he was glad. It gave him time to adore her to his heart's content. The girls had dressed her to the nines today. Emerald green strappy stilletos walked a touch unsteadily as she struggled to find her stride. The long creamy columns of her legs stretched upward, disappearing under yards of black velvet, hanging off her well sculpted shoulders, clinging to her every curve and showing off the slight swell of her breast. Just as he lifted his gaze toward her face, she turned toward him, catching the swirling depths of his caramel eyes. Gently a soft smile broke across her face, so beautiful in its constitution that he found himself paralysed, helpless in the face of that incontrovertible charm.

Khushi's poor heart lost its innate sense of rhythm as she caught sight of him. Arnav stood across the street leaning against his car, his hair flying away with the breeze, arms folded across his chest...adoring her. No other word could suffice in conveying his regard of her. The palate of midnight blue and white, in which he was outfitted, acted only as an accessory to his effortless appeal. Yet over and above this was the truth that her heart screamed aloud, rejoicing in its victory..... he had come. A slight quiver of her lips gave her away. Unspoken dreams and fancies found flight as ran toward him and threw herself in his arms. Buried deep in his chest, she lay bare her vulnerability...

"You came."


Wrapping his arms around her he buried his nose into her hair and breathing deeply stated...


"I had to Gupta." Warm fingers brushed against her flush cheeks, their lingering trail generating a fiery static, brushing the few stray stands behind her ear. With a chaste kiss, Arnav looked upon her eyes... "Happy birthday my darling girl."


As he kissed her, Khushi felt her stomach tighten. Her newly found friends flapped their wings, sending her on her way to the warmth of a heaven that had become her drug of choice. Wolf whistles and lewd remarks disturbed the happy couple's reunion. Khushi pouted as he drew himself away...grinning at her crazy friends.


Cuddled into his warmth, she looked up at him concerned. Running her fingers over his eyelids, she noted... "You look pale...weak."


Kissing her nose, he shrugged it off. "Work...forget about it. Why did I have to get a call from Meg to find out that it was your birthday? Why didn't you tell me? "



"You were busy."


"I'm never busy for you Khushi." She nodded understanding that he meant business. It had become an unconscious habit of his to use her first name when he was serious about a certain matter. "I wanted to do so much for you."


"Well you know my birthday now so next year I exp...."


"Oi love birds are you coming or do you want us to book you a room?" Shagun yelled from across the road.


Arnav laughed and looked at Khushi naughtily. "What to do you reckon?"


"Let's get drunk Raizada!" Khushi declared linking her arm with his, dragging them onward and upward.


*********************************************************************************

PLEASE LISTEN! I PUT SONGS IN FOR A CERTAIN EFFECT.

The club pulsed around them, its patrons merry in their drunken stupor. Music blared from the speakers, laser lights pulsed casting the club in its pinkish tinge as white smoked hissed onto the dance floor, snaking its way around ankles and in between legs, slowly dispersing into a thin mist. They squeezed in and around the throng of people trying to find an empty booth. Occasionally a wandering hand would grab at bare skin and the girls shuddered at the unknown touch. Sticking like glue to Arnav, Khushi let him lead the way...


"I got us a booth booked."


The girls sat down gratefully, already cursing their choice of footwear while the men went to organise drinks. Khushi drummed her fingers on the table top impatiently....


"So what are we toasting to today?" asked Meg


"Hmmm...the twenty eight year old virgin?" Shagun suggested with a devilish smirk.


Khushi who was in high spirits, sat back against the plush lounge chair and smirked a smirk of her own. "We're toasting to my last hours as a twenty eight year old virgin." Biting down on her lip she couldn't help but giggle as her cheeks flushed red.


Jahnvi's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "You mean....?"


"Tonight's the night. I've waited long enough..." Looking over at Arnav, she caught his eye and smiled. "He's the one."


Suddenly the atmosphere changed as the girls huddled around her. "Don't push yourself into this. If you're not ready it's nothing to be ashamed about." Meg held Khushi's hand, trying to understand her motives.


"Yeah. Your age doesn't matter. It need's to be right for you Khush." Jahnvi reassured her.


Shagun simply shrugged..."If he hurts you, I'll just cut his balls off."


Meanwhile an altogether different conversation was taking place at the bar. Chaos was the appropriate term to describe the ordering process. Elbows pushed and shoved, wedging themselves in any given free space, attempting to inch closer to the bar counter. Once at the counter, it then became a contest as to who had the better developed vocal cords. Arnav waved over one of the harrowed looking bar tenders.


"I need six premium tequila shots with lime and a bottle of your finest champagne."


Acknowledging the order with a wave of the hand, the young man signalled upward to his colleague on a ladder. A bottle of the finest tequila was dropped from a distance of about two meters, free falling into the bar tenders waiting hands.


"You still haven't told her." Matt accused as they waited. Arnav looked at him tiredly. "You're getting worse Arnav . It's written all over your face. You shouldn't even be here. "


Arnav noticed Khushi staring at him from the booth, smiling contently, a soft blush on her cheeks. He smiled back. "It's my girls special day. Let me have this one night Matt. One night where I'm not constantly thinking about my own mortality." 


"It's not fair on her."


"You don't think I know that? Do you really think I'm that selfish? I tried staying away from her...I did. I just...forget it. There's no point thinking about that now. Let her have tonight."


Matt put his hand on Arnav's shoulder. "I know you love her. I'm not doubting it. You're a good guy but the longer you wait to tell her the harder it's going to get."


Arnav looked at Matt, frustrated by his own fate. "Why me?"


Matt answered simply..."Why her?"


Grabbing the tray of drinks they headed back to the girls. Plastering a smile on his face, Arnav let his troubles take a back seat for tonight. A chorus of applause broke out as the girl's caught sight of beverages. Passing around the champagne flutes, Matt then proceeded to pop the bubbly. The liquid frothed over the top of the bottle, earning an ear splitting grin from Khushi. Trying to conserve the liquid gold, Matt ran the bottle over the glass tops.


"To love and to life." Arnav proposed, looking at Khushi. She rewarded him with a quick kiss on his cheek.


"To love and to life" they all chorused. Several drinks later and the mood was significantly silly.


Khushi stood up abruptly, screaming over the noisy crowd. "Let's dance!"


Arnav and Matt grimaced. "Uhhh....you girls go. We'll join you in a bit."


Khushi pouted. Arnav pleaded..."Go have fun with the girls."


Shagun already impatient yelled...."I'm the only married woman here and I don't get to go out often enough. Move your ass Khushi Gupta!"


Rolling their eyes at the men, they traipsed off to the dance floor, the crowd swallowing them up. Arnav watched with fascination as Khushi let loose, a likely result of the alcohol running rampant in her blood stream. The gentle sway of her hips sashayed the skirt of her dress, as she grooved to the rhythm, oblivious to anything and everything else. With her hands thrown up in the air, she let her head rock from side to side creating the most hypnotic movement with her long locks. Involuntarily Arnav found himself leaving Matt mid conversation and walking toward Khushi. Sliding in behind her, he wrapped his sinewy forearm around her waist and drew her into him. Smiling victoriously, she let her head rest back against his chest, intertwining her fingers with his and they moved with the underlying rhythm, their bodies as one. The beat of the song began to build, heralding the climax and the conjoined mass of people began to move faster and faster.


An uncomfortable tightness settled itself deep within the walls of his chest and Arnav knew something was wrong. The lights were too bright from him, his vision began to blur and the sound of the music distorted. Khushi too caught up in the dance didn't notice as he staggered away from her, pushing his way through the crowd, desperate for some fresh air. It was only the glimpse of his jacket from the corner of her eye that brought to light the fact that Arnav wasn't with her anymore. She frowned noticing his uneven gait and watched as Matt followed him out of the side door exit.


Uneasiness clawed on to her skin, biting away till she could no longer bear it. Trusting her gut instinct she followed the boys, desperately pushing her way through gyrating and sweaty bodies. So much was her desperation that she almost broke out into a run. Pushing the side exit door open, she ran out into the alley looking left and right for them. Suddenly she heard a frantic voice and turned around...


"I need an ambulance on the corner of Delenger and Harborne Street.." Matt was yelling into his mobile.


Her heart beat loudly in her ears as her brain registered the information her eyes were relaying. Arnav lay crumpled on the cold street, pale as ghost...unconscious.

*******************************************************************************

DUN DUN DUN!!!! Cliffhanger I know but it's important. Thank you to all of you who left a comment...it really makes my day and helps me analyse how the story is going. Also it makes me smile and love all of you for the passion you have about my story. For those of you who asked for my Index...here it is....

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3461237

Also a lot of you are calling Arnav and Anjali selfish. Don't be so quick to judge. I will hopefully shed more light on this in the future. Some of you readers have the right idea about Arnav's intentions and some of you are waaaay off. Though once again I will wait and develop this in the story a bit more. But if you want to know Arnav's point of view then re-read the last chapter where Anjali is talking to Khushi about being afraid but think of it from Arnav's perspective. That is how I had originally imagined it anyway. 

Lots of Love 

Sasak

Heart's A Mess: Chapter Fourteen

Two Months Later


Anjali Mathur nee Singh Raizada sat across from her, her hands folded demurely in her lap, contemplating a way to begin their conversation. Khushi observed from afar; curious and apprehensive. Very little had changed since the last time they had met. Anjali remained just as beautiful and as elegant as afore. Aubergine cotton cloth fell to the ground in well crafted pleats, bleeding into a wide khaki coloured border. Trace amounts of vermillion disappeared into hair that was pulled away from her face in a high ponytail. Coupled with the beads of the black and gold resting proudly upon the column of her neck, they avowed her marital status to the world.


A sense of insecurity befell Khushi.


This woman embodied all that she did not. Tradition, culture and heritage were ingrained deep with her moral fibre and sense of self. It was this idea of identity and anchor to ones ancestry that Khushi had yearned to know and embody but had so cruelly been denied. Yet, through all the traditional garb, the familial connection was undeniable. Anjali like Arnav possessed the quiet magnetism that came with an awareness of self; peacocks walking among pheasants.


Blinking rapidly, Khushi cleared her throat. "You're a hard woman to catch."


Relief washed across Anjali's features, thankfully saved from beginning the exchange. "I'm sorry about that. I live in New York...with a husband and child it's hard to travel a lot."


The examination room was silent once again.


"I can imagine." Khushi tried to sympathise, though such a reality was beyond the scope of her imaginings. "So...I'm not sure that you know but... I'm Arnav's girlfriend." She cringed inwardly at the delivery. Mother India most likely didn't even understand the term girlfriend. Waiting to be judged by the paragon of Indian virtue, Khushi held her breath.


Surprisingly, her reaction was an unexpected one. For the first time, a genuine smile graced her features and like her brother, the full force of Anjali's charm was breath taking. "Oh don't I know it. It's all I hear about. Khushi this and Khushi that..." she giggled childishly. A few shades redder than before, Khushi failed to hide her own shy smile. "Sorry...I probably embarrassed you." Siphoning through her hand bag she pulled out her phone. On it, was displayed a picture of Khushi and Arnav dancing on their first date. Smiling broadly Anjali confessed... "He sent me this after I begged to know what you looked like. How was I supposed to know I had already met you. Do you remember I asked you for directions to Dr. Parker's office that day? God works in funny ways na? You know if Chote knew that I was showing you this photo, he would probably kill me."


"Chote?"


Anjali's face fell as her eyes widened. "Hey bhagwaan..." she exclaimed, slapping her forehead lightly. "Please don't tell him I referred to him like that in front of you. Me and my big mouth...sometimes I just get carried away."


Khushi assured Anjali, her mind plotting and eyes sparkling with mischief. "It's ok. I won't tell him...not yet anyway."


She was rewarded with another impish smile...."When we all meet 'officially' feel free to tease him as much as you like. I'll join in."


They beamed at one another, momentarily forgetting the purpose of their meeting. In that moment an understanding transpired between the two, transcending the disquiet of their circumstance. Understanding that was secure in its foundation...their love for the man that was Arnav Singh Raizada.


"Well that's a good a segway as any....you do know why you're here don't you?" Khushi prodded.


Any previous joy that had briefly lit up her features fell away; her face ashen.



Years of professional experience helped Khushi to manage the delicate situation. As if on autopilot Dr. Gupta took charge."Matt referred your case to me. To be fair to him he was unaware of the relationship between your brother and I and in all honestly I didn't get the chance to study the file properly but I do know a few things. You need to be admitted Anjali...I know that you aren't exhibiting many of the signs or symptoms now but in a couple of years...." She trailed off sighing. "I don't need to tell you. You know it better than I do. We need to get you on that transplant list. The sooner you are on it the better chance you have."


"It's complicated Khushi." she said wistfully.


"We can work through it. There are hundred of options. The time for worrying about your privacy and career are long gone."


"I know." she conceded quietly.


Khushi scrutinised her, sensing that something was a miss. "What is it that's really bothering you? You're an intelligent woman, a wife....a mother. I don't buy for a second that the only thing you are concerned about is your career. At least not at the cost of being there for your child and family. What's holding you back?"


Anjali fisted her hands in her lap and closed her eyes tight. A single teardrop succeeded in its quest for freedom, free falling from her closed lids, its perfectly formed exterior splashing upon the fabric of her saree. Sometime later, when she finally opened her eyes, the vulnerability that had momentarily taken her hostage was no where to be found. Instead the glassy orbs were vacant...chillingly composed.


"Are you afraid...to tell them? Is that what's holding you back?" Khushi asked


Anjali stared at the ground, fisting her palla, repeatedly telling herself that everything would be alright. That Devi Maa would solve all their problems. Looking up at Khushi, she gulped, struggling to find the words to articulate her despair.


"They'll understand. They love you...You'll feel better if you share the burden." Offering words of consolation she slid the box of tissues toward her.


Contemplative silence cast its shadow upon the women. Anjali finally spoke, this time with bitter longing. "Will it?" she clarified. "Feel better? To tell the person you love that you're dying...will that make me feel better? Will it serve to lighten my burden or just make it heavier?" She wiped at her face roughly, leaving streaks of mascara fanning out from her eyes.  "Maybe they will understand...but will they ever treat me the same? One confession could change the entire dynamic of my life...of my relationships. They would tip toe around me, whisper behind my back...I would loose the right to worry about them because they wouldn't let me. My suffering would be nothing compared to the pain that my one confession...." she breathed deeply, sniffing. "And what if...just what if, they decided they couldn't watch me suffer? They couldn't go on that journey with me? What if...they left me all alone again? What if the one person I fell in love with abandoned me even if I knew it was the right thing for them? Could I be so selfish to beg them not to go?"


Khushi felt numb...drained There was nothing she could do or say that would go any way to allaying her concerns. Clenching her teeth, she blinked away her own tears. This moment was about Anajli's grief...not her own insecurities. Quietly she offered advice from her own experiences...

"They deserve the truth Anjali...you just have to pray you have it in you to bear the consequences. Have faith, more often than not people surprise you." 

Anjali was caught off guard by the candour of her answer. Nodding slowly, she repeated..."They deserve the truth."

"They deserve the truth." Khushi affirmed once more.

Smiling, Anjali leaned forward and cupped her cheek. "He loves you....you know. I can see it in his eyes." Hesitating for a second she asked..."Do you...love him?"

The younger woman looked away shyly, unaccustomed and reluctant to share her feelings. Anjali maybe Arnav’s sister but they barely knew one another.

“I’m sorry…I over stepped. It’s none of my business.” Anjali back tracked perceiving her discomfort.

As it had done at the beginning of their time together, silence took them prisoner. With out warning Khushi began to speak in a hushed whisper, as if afraid of her own confession.

"I...I think I'm falling for him. It's hard for me to accept but... I think I am. All I know is that once he has my heart there's no going back. It's his forever. There could never be anyone else. So...I have to be sure."

Anjali sighed, standing up. It was time to leave.

"I know we've only just met and that it's alot to ask but...one day when you’re ready I would love for you to call me Di.”

"I....I can't take your case." she stammered, blindsided by the request.

Understanding, Anjali reassured her. "It's for the best." With an expression so tender, it made Khushi feel as though she was a child again, Anjali swiped her kajal and dotted her behind the ear. "Kissi ki nazar na lag jaye." With that, she turned to leave.

Khushi called out to her. "I didn't understand...what you just said...I didn't understand it."

"I prayed that no evil eye should cast it's shadow upon you."

It was sometime before Khushi realised she was standing alone in the room. In that one blessing, Anjali had bequeathed her the lifetime of love her mother wasn't given a chance to. Collapsing in to the chair behind her, she hid her face in her hands and began to sob. 

******************************************************************************

Patience is a virtue.


If only somebody had told Arnav Singh Raizada.


"Would you settle down?" Anjali begged her younger brother. Arnav shot her a look of annoyance and continued to shake his leg nervously, his fingers drumming on the arms rests of his chair. Anjali held his hand. "It's going to be alright...just breathe."


"He's late. I hate people who are late."


"He's doing us a favour so shut up." Anjali quipped back.


Arnav stood up and started pacing, running his hands through his hair. As a last ditch attempt to try and shift his focus Anjali slyly asked...


"You never asked me you know."


"About?"


"My meeting with Khushi."


Arnav stopped mid step. His face fell..."I'd rather not know to be honest."


"Oh I'm not talking about the details...I'm just...you don't want to know what I thought of her?" Anjali tried to bite back her smile as Arnav took the the bait.


He stared at her for the longest time before snapping. "So?"


"So...what?"


"What do you think of her?"


"She's seems cold..."


"What! No she's not...it just takes time to know her. Not everyone can be all Disney like you. You probably smothered her and that's why she...."


Arnav trailed off as he realised his sister was teasing him. He rolled his eyes. Laughing she continued...


"Accha baba...what do you want to know? I think she's reserved and not the type to show her love easily but whenever she talks about you this dreamy look clouds over her."


"Really?" Arnav asked grinning and sitting back down again.


Anjali pulled his nose and giggled. "Yes...just like the one you've got now budhoo. But she's also fragile."


Arnav answered quietly..."I know. I wish I didn't....but I know."


"She deserves the truth."


"But what if..."


"She deserves the truth." Anjali restated with more resolve. Arnav sighed deeply...


"Mr Raizada, Anjali... I apologise for being late...I had an emergent case." Matt Parker invited them in to his private study.


"Not at all Dr. Parker, we're thankful that you've accommodated us in your home. Aren't we?" Anjali nudged Arnav like a child, imploring him to co-operate.


He managed a fake smile.


"Look Mr. Raizada, I'm going to be upfront with you. You are now at a stage where we have to get you admitted. I have been willing to go along with your charade because your sister and I have had a close friendship and I have understood your need to protect your company. But now...your condition is worsening. If we don't get you on that transplant list..."


"I hardly have any symptoms." Arnav interrupted stubbornly.


"I guarantee you that you will. If not now then in a few months the occasional shortness of breath you are experiencing will exacerbate. Not to mention the plethora of other things you will have to deal with. Once an official diagnosis of congestive heart failure has been given, then the survival rate of patients after 5 years is 50 %. This is a time sensitive matter. The fact that you have diabetes only compounds your problems...I shouldn't have to say this to you. You know and fully understand all of this."


"I'm not dying right now..."


Matt struggled with the urge to punch him in the face. "Yes you are! Every second your heart is dying just a little bit more. I'm not talking about admitting you on a permanent basis. It's just for a week while we run all the tests required by the hospital. Full time hospital care only begins toward the end stages of the disease. A place I am hoping we don't have to get to. What excuse are you going to give me this time Mr. Raizada? Because you are running out of them."


Arnav covered his mouth and nodded. "Give me another month or so. I need finish up everything I'm working on and start to initiate the change in management. I'm going to hand over the company to my brother and law and sister. That way when the news breaks, hopefully AR's stocks won't take such a big dive."


Matt sat back in his chair, relieved. He finally had a timeline to work with. "It's not my place...but Khushi's going to find out. She's had enough things go wrong in her life. She deserves at least to be told from you."


"I'm not sure I'm brave enough to tell her."


"You'll have to find a way." Matt had been in two minds about the situation for a while now. He could see that Arnav loved Khushi but his love was selfish. There was no guarantee Arnav would get a heart. Patients died waiting for a heart all the time. Still love never asked permission...it just happened. What was unfair was that it had to happen to Khushi....of all people. It was times like these he really questioned god's existence.


Arnav looked at the two people in the room, his face forlorn. "I really am dying...aren't I?"


*********************************************************************************

Phew!

That was a hard chapter to write. I know there were no Arshi scenes but it was important. I hope that answered a lot of your questions. I have a few things to say regarding some of your comments. Please don't beg me not to hurt Arnav, or Khushi or to make it a happy ending. I would request that you simply enjoy the journey considering that I have promised you an alternate happy ending.

I know you will all hate me for doing this to Arnav but read the title of the story. I did also say at the beginning that things were not as they seemed.

I am also trying to refrain from answering everybody's questions because I don't want to give the story away.

Also there is still a lot of Arshi romance to come so don't fret on that account. As for ending this story in a week or so. I think that may have been ambitious. But I have decided that I will be only updating HAM till it is finished. I am on a role and I want to exploit it.

I CAN NOT thank you enough for all the wonderful comments you guys are leaving me. It is SUCH a motivator. See....I'm giving updates so often now. Infact it has been pretty hard to keep up with the pace you guys are commenting at. Keep it up! I am humbled beyond words.

With all the love in the world

Sasak