Heart's A Mess Chapter Eighteen A&B

Old habits die hard.


Khushi was learning the hard way.


Her dormant heart began to throb painfully as time slowed to savour the palpable tension gravitating them to one another.


Arnav Singh Raizada.


The man had tattooed his name across her heart, blue-black ink seeping from it's letters to stain every fibre...staking his claim. With each thrill, came the realisation that neither time nor distance would dilute her response to him.

Caus If I could see your face once more

I could die a happy man I'm sure

Even before the locks to her front door had given way Khushi had known it was him on the other side. Still... it had done nothing to quell the warm, breathy whisper that had escaped her upon seeing him. Arnav stood on the front step, drenched to the bone, his posture unyielding. A solitary raindrop hung on to his eyelashes, teetering upon the edge, unsure of it intent. Another sat upon the pillowy bed of his lower lip.


Time, an arbitrary concept at the best of times, fell away, leaving silence to communicate what words could not. Stormy swirling pools of caramel, hauntingly desolate, begged for her mercy.


He blinked, releasing the captive droplet; the spell broken.


The deafening roar of the torrential downpour was suddenly thrown into sharp relief. Three weeks of anger, confusion, love and disillusionment suddenly found flight, funneling into the vortex of a violent storm, erupting in a resounding slap. Relief translated into adrenaline that coursed through her petite frame, her trembling body barely standing upright.


Static filled the air in the aftermath of the event. A gentle sob diffused into the silence. The tension, unable to sustain itself, searched frantically for release and found its answer. Arnav fell to his knees, crumpled upon her doorstep, his head hung; a defeated man.


They remained like that for what seemed like an age, paralysed, incapable of movement. Slowly, Khushi looked down at him. For the first time she took stock of his appearance. His white oxford shirt, clung to his shivering form, so soaked it now appeared diaphanous. Dark circles teased tired eyes, sallow skin marring his complexion. It was the sight, however, of bloodshot eyes swimming with unshed tears that undid her. That squeezed her heart so painfully she felt afraid that it may burst.

You took my soul and wiped it clean

Our love was made for movie screens

Sinking on to the floor, she quickly gathered him in her arms, his head resting upon her chest. The position was not the most comfortable, but she held on to him for dear life as they both let go together. Strong, sinewy arms squeezed her close to him as his chest shook. Then in the softest of whispers he hoarsely lamented...


"I....I can't live with out you." Looking up at her, he tried to communicate his anguish.


Deep exaggerated breaths rattled noisily as he waited for her. Khushi looked into his desperate eyes and closed her own. How could she explain to him her fears? She was no god. It was not in her power to save him. Steeling herself, Khushi prayed for strength. And in one devastating statement, she managed to reveal her truth to him.


"But you can't live with me either."


The wretchedness of their fate rung loud.


So they did the only thing could, they lost themselves. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her tenderly, pulling at her bottom lip, revelling in its soft pliability. It's taste was salty, their tears having found a home. Khushi closed her eyes and let her head fall back, taking the liberty to memorise his touch, digging her nails into his forearms as the bristly hairs of his stubble caressed her cheek. Endless nights had been spent trying to keep him alive in her mind, his smell, his touch, his love....


Khushi was terrified of forgetting him.


But now here he was trailing slow kisses up her jaw and nibbling on soft flesh of her ear lobe. She would be damned if she didn't immerse herself in him. A warm whisper flew over the planes of her cheek.


"I missed you so much Gupta."


Usually the sentiment behind such a confession would have melted the heart of any girl. But to Khushi it was his endearment of her that managed to find its way past all her walls, unravelling her in his arms. Her hands fisted in his hair, she hid her face against his shoulder and sobbed. Arnav ran his hands up and down her back attempting to soothe her. With incredible dexterity, he managed to position her legs around his hips and slowly stood up, carrying her inside.


Sniffing, Khushi kept clinging on to him, managing to kick the front door shut as he walked into the foyer. With out so much as a word, he kept walking, entering the guest bedroom on the ground floor. Khushi looked toward the bed and back at him, her eyes full of questions. Lowering her to the ground, he stepped back a fraction and reached out to hold her hand.


"I came here to ask you to take me back. To ask for your forgiveness. To ask you to listen to my side of the story. To reassure that after that if you didn't want me in your life I would understand. But also to let you know that if you were to take me back it would have to be forever. I didn't think I had it in me to lose you again. The funny thing is though that standing in front of you now the whole idea just seems absurd."


Khushi looked at him confused. He smiled with a boyish innocence that left her breathless. Taking a small step forward leaned his forehead upon hers. "It seems absurd because its just become clear that its not up to you really. You don't get a choice in the matter. Even if you don't want me or you take me back and decide later that you can't handle it....I will keep coming back." Rubbing his thumb across her cheek he whispered...  "I love you Khushi and I'm not letting go."


Khushi felt herself go numb at his confession. "I'm never leaving you, not till the big man up there comes for me himself." Her eyes's widened and she rushed to put her hand over his mouth. He stopped her.  "I've never said it to you before but I'm not making that mistake again. I love you and I'm going to spend the rest of my life letting you know just how much."


Looking up at him, she could see nothing but his sincerity. Her voice having abandoned her, she buried her face in his chest. Trembling fingers reached out to unbutton his shirt, her inexperience making her painfully shy. Large hands engulfed her own and guided her, reassuring her of his promise. The material fell away revealing him to her; making way for something quite extraordinary. As her eyes roamed his bare chest, a realisation dawned upon her.


He was hers.


There was nothing to fear.


Clothes slowly fell away, as they indulged in themselves in the luxury of the time they had. The room was dimly lit, trace amounts light diffusing through the grey clouds as the pitter patter of the rain became their soundtrack. She fell back against the pillows, her hair splayed out majestically on the crisp white linen as Arnav came over her...cherishing her...adoring her...worshipping her...loving her. Skin to skin they lay, familiarising themselves as an extension of the other.


Trailing his hands up the length of her arms, his fingers interlocked with hers, holding on tight. Gentle kisses rained down upon her, blinding her vision. She responded with passionate vigour, fisting her hand in his hair and kneading the skin of his lower back; her back arching up off the bed. As he slid deep within her, pushing past her final barrier, Arnav looked into Khushi's eyes, laying his soul bare for her to see. And there he remained, waiting for her to adjust to his presence, to understand the cadence of her body. Minutes turned to hours, and the sheets snaked in between them, twisting and turning with the natural rhythm of their bodies.


They had found each other...they had found home.

If you loved me, why'd you leave me

Take my body, Take my body

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Arnav propped his head up on an elbow and turned to face Khushi. Her face was turned the other way, as if determined not to see him. He ran his fingers through the long thick waves of her hair, marvelling its satin like texture. Then with the calloused pads of his fingers, he traced the line of her collar bone, tracing its dips and curves with great relish. Placing his hand either side of her chin, he tried to get her to look his way. She resisted, pulling the bed sheet higher up under her arms.


"Look at me Khushi...please"


Slowly the resistance became less determined in its intent and he got her to look his way. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek.


"You lied." she accused, her voice heavy with emotion.


"I did." he admitted in a small voice. Khushi waited for a proper answer. Arnav collapsed back onto his pillow, looking up at the ceiling. "I remember the day you stomped down the aisle of my plane. I'll never forget the look on your face." He smiled fondly. "At first you intrigued me. I thought it would be a bit of fun spending some time with you. But then after our date I knew I was in trouble. I tried to stay away. I knew it would only end in pain. I think I lasted about three days. It was selfish but I wanted a chance at happiness. The more time I spent with you, the harder it became to tell you. I didn't want you to pity me or look at me any different and I didn't want to loose you. I fell in love with you. You were and still are the best thing in my life."


"What about me? Did you ever think about me? What am I going to do! You've ruined me! I hate you!" Khushi banged her fist against his chest, crying.


"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Arnav took her in his arms and kept reitterating just how sorry he was. "I didn't for any of this to happen. I hate myself for loving you. For chaining you to someone who is dying. You deserve better than me. But I can't live without you. I just can't."


"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." Khushi mumbled over and over again.


"I love you. I will never stop loving you."


Khushi fell silent, her palm resting above his heart. "Never leave me again. Even if I ask you to." she whispered.


"Never."


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